Daily Devotional

I want to preface this post by saying that it is fairly long. But once I started writing, I could not stop. I pretty much pored my heart out. I hope you will take the time to read the whole thing. You just might find something in it for yourself.

I have struggled my entire life with maintaining a steady quite time with God. I have started and stopped, often after only a few days. I get down on myself for failing and being inconsistent and only end up failing more. I think Satan has used me being hard on myself to keep me from developing a strong personal relationship with God.
This has hit me even more strongly since losing Sydney. Andrew and I have been drowning in our anger and lack of understanding. I know that God is all-powerful and could have saved her if he chose to do so. So, why didn't He? We felt forsaken! I know that he sent us people to help comfort us and to share in our suffering and help us through such a horrific time- without that, I don't know what we would have done! But, we really just wanted Sydney!
It has been a long journey filled with struggles and temper tantrums, and we still have a long way to go, but I feel that God has paved the way for healing for me. Through a series of events and long discussions including the ZOE conference last weekend, I feel that I am finally at a place to start working towards a relationship with God.
I want to- no I need to figure out who God is. I need to understand how he interacts with us- when he intercedes in our lives and when he does not. And, I need to understand prayer. What is it's purpose? I think I have always had a warped view of all of these things. I think that ultimately, I have looked at them more as ways to manipulate God than ways to manipulate myself.
This week has been the beginning of a new journey for me. I started attending the Ladies Bible Class that meets at church on Thursday mornings. The topic is Walking in Faith through the darkness. I think this will be very good for me. Also, today, I started a daily devotional time. I don't know that I am always going to get it done everyday, and I may not post all of them, but I am going to strive towards that goal. I plan to blog these for two different reasons. First, I want to share with you what I am learning. I have moments where I am clear with what I am thinking and feeling, and then when I try to tell them to someone else, I lose it and it all comes out in a jumbled mess. With this, I can just say- go read my blog! :) Also, I want to keep track of what I am studying so I can look back over it later. When those things are a jumbled mess for others, I find they are a jumbled mess for me as well and I wish I had them recorded so I could refresh for myself.

So, here it goes. I started reading the book Knowing & Loving the Bible: Face to Face with God in His Word by Catherine Martin. Today, I read the introduction with the intent to go on to read the first chapter, but was caught dead in my tracks. She quoted Psalm 25:14. When I looked up Psalm 25 to read it in its entirety, I was amazed. I felt like it was speaking directly to my situation. Especially important to me were vs. 4-5. As I am starting down this journey, I need God to show me the way. I also need to be reminded that my hope is in God. Verses 16-18 also struck me as I am lonely without Sydney and my heart is troubled. I read and reread the Psalm and found comfort in it. I think it will become the theme of my journey.
I hope this has been enlightening to you and not too long. Thank you for sticking it out and reading this. I hope you will join me on this journey. It is one we all need to take.

Related Posts by Categories

Widget by Hoctro | Jack Book