Sydney Danielle Lough 3/11/07

Sydney Danielle Lough  3/11/07
My Inspiration

Friday, October 12, 2007

Daily Devotional

I want to preface this post by saying that it is fairly long. But once I started writing, I could not stop. I pretty much pored my heart out. I hope you will take the time to read the whole thing. You just might find something in it for yourself.

I have struggled my entire life with maintaining a steady quite time with God. I have started and stopped, often after only a few days. I get down on myself for failing and being inconsistent and only end up failing more. I think Satan has used me being hard on myself to keep me from developing a strong personal relationship with God.
This has hit me even more strongly since losing Sydney. Andrew and I have been drowning in our anger and lack of understanding. I know that God is all-powerful and could have saved her if he chose to do so. So, why didn't He? We felt forsaken! I know that he sent us people to help comfort us and to share in our suffering and help us through such a horrific time- without that, I don't know what we would have done! But, we really just wanted Sydney!
It has been a long journey filled with struggles and temper tantrums, and we still have a long way to go, but I feel that God has paved the way for healing for me. Through a series of events and long discussions including the ZOE conference last weekend, I feel that I am finally at a place to start working towards a relationship with God.
I want to- no I need to figure out who God is. I need to understand how he interacts with us- when he intercedes in our lives and when he does not. And, I need to understand prayer. What is it's purpose? I think I have always had a warped view of all of these things. I think that ultimately, I have looked at them more as ways to manipulate God than ways to manipulate myself.
This week has been the beginning of a new journey for me. I started attending the Ladies Bible Class that meets at church on Thursday mornings. The topic is Walking in Faith through the darkness. I think this will be very good for me. Also, today, I started a daily devotional time. I don't know that I am always going to get it done everyday, and I may not post all of them, but I am going to strive towards that goal. I plan to blog these for two different reasons. First, I want to share with you what I am learning. I have moments where I am clear with what I am thinking and feeling, and then when I try to tell them to someone else, I lose it and it all comes out in a jumbled mess. With this, I can just say- go read my blog! :) Also, I want to keep track of what I am studying so I can look back over it later. When those things are a jumbled mess for others, I find they are a jumbled mess for me as well and I wish I had them recorded so I could refresh for myself.

So, here it goes. I started reading the book Knowing & Loving the Bible: Face to Face with God in His Word by Catherine Martin. Today, I read the introduction with the intent to go on to read the first chapter, but was caught dead in my tracks. She quoted Psalm 25:14. When I looked up Psalm 25 to read it in its entirety, I was amazed. I felt like it was speaking directly to my situation. Especially important to me were vs. 4-5. As I am starting down this journey, I need God to show me the way. I also need to be reminded that my hope is in God. Verses 16-18 also struck me as I am lonely without Sydney and my heart is troubled. I read and reread the Psalm and found comfort in it. I think it will become the theme of my journey.
I hope this has been enlightening to you and not too long. Thank you for sticking it out and reading this. I hope you will join me on this journey. It is one we all need to take.

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Marion said...

I am so glad that you have decided to do this. I have a major problem with sticking to things too. I need a group or blog, to keep me on task. Please keep me informed, and I couldn't take my eyes off of the text. Love ya

Sandi said...

This didn't seem long at all, Tiffany. When you speak your heart, people listen, and you have spoken your heart.

I am so thankful to God for His drawing you to Him in this way -- it can only be from Him. Don't let Satan get you down with self-condemnation. I think you're right -- he has used this many times on me, too!

I will love reading your thoughts and responding! Love you!

Jeni Allen said...

I didn't think this was long! I cherish any insight into my friends' lives, especially if there's anything I can do to help. Of course you and Andrew are in my prayers, and the only other way I can think of to help is to say, "You go, girl!" I think a daily devotional time is a great idea, and I'm sure anything you post will be thought provoking and inspiring - because you're a strong and beautiful person, inside and out.